Push

I was once told by my doctor to suck it up, (in reference to my pain and disease) that there are several people he knows that work and still have pain from this disease. Which is funny because he doesn't actually have any other Tarlov Cyst patients he was just doing what most doctors do. If they don't know something they don't want to admit it they just make things up so they don't lose credibility. Interesting huh!

My doctor isn't the only one who has told me to suck it up and with those words it is like people don't believe you are in as much pain as you are. I have actually tried to stop saying at all when I am in pain because people (even your loved ones) get tired of hearing all the complaints. Even though they might seem concerned you can see it in their expression, and even in their eyes, what they really mean. Even people like my mother who is in pain every day, who you would think would understand, dismisses my claims of pain because she may not want to be bothered with it. For instance, cleaning my house in a humongous chore everyday with three kids. It doesn't matter how many times I do the dishes or do batches of laundry there is always something dirty. So I have stopped worring about what people think of my house and just started taking one day at a time and doing what I can because no matter how much they say they will help, they get carried away with their own lives and one day turns into one week than one month and before you know it you haven't really heard from this person who said they would help you. The reason I am telling you this is because my mom was on top of her game when we were kids. She was the cookie cutter of moms, but she wore herself out pretty early and we ended up taking care of our self for a good portion of our pre-odolescent ages. We had gotten into an altercation one afternoon and she was low blowing me and said there are always dirty dishes in your sink and dirty clothes to be washed you are not organizing your time correctly. I told her that I was in pain a lot and sometimes I have to just push myself to get out of bed and she said I had to do it when I had you kids, I would do laundry at 4 am just to stay on top of it. Totally disregarding any of my statement about my pain. So here is what I say to that, First of all I have not been given the same circumstance as you were when we were kids and I would rather pace myself and do thing to please me, than to burn out early and leave my kids to learn the hard way and to do thing that pleases my husband and than be bitter and selfish afterwards.

Which brings me to why I write this example. I push myself every day more than should because I love my children and I want the best for them, but I m not going to burn myself out where I am unable to be there for them during the most critical ages (teenage years). In fact I will be their always even when they are adults. When you decide to have kids they are always your kids you don't get choose when to stop thinking  of them first. No matter what they do they deserve and are worth being loved.

Maybe we should stop pushing people to be what we want them to be and start letting them be who they are. Just because they do things differently doesn't mean it wrong, it just mean its different.



Until next time.