Perception

I watched the movie Lovely Bones this morning with my husband. Very touching movie! If you haven’t watched it yet, please do and I am not going to spoil it for you. Simply put, it’s about a missing little girl. We have two girls of our own and this movie just hit home. I think I might even have seen a tear in my husband’s eyes. (it’s the little things like that, that lets me know he is a good man and he loves us.) So in the movie Suzy the little girl said “it’s funny about perception; you only see what you want to see.


Ever since I got hurt, people say that I have been acting crazy and I am mad all the time, to the point that I have even drove my mom and sister away (which is funny because I always thought that I was the sane one of the family). The point is I am not so much mad, but frustrated, hurt, in pain, and lonely. I guess it just comes out wrong. Some day’s it is just not the day and I don’t want to get up because I just don’t want my reality to set in I guess. The hard thing is, there is no one really to talk to. I don’t want to worry my mother-in-law because even though she is a strong woman, she can also be very fragile, I want my sister-in-law to be proud of us, so I like giving only good reports, I don’t want to give my family satisfaction of failure, I don’t want all of my burdens on my children shoulders because they have had to grow up so much already and they deserve to be children, and then comes Boo, (my husband) he is a man first (no one is perfect) but he really loves us and he is under a lot of stress. It is because of him that we have a roof over our head and food on our table, He works so hard and so much, he should be able to come home and just relax. Don't misunderstand my thoughts. I don’t want anybody to read this and think that I want or will do something stupid, because I won’t. I have always been good at knowing when things aren’t right and a change is needed. Besides my doctor told me he was going to apply for a pain management program because he said my hormones and brain are not balanced. It is about how I can be the ebst me in my certain circumstance. He said after awhile the meds. kind of take over, which I don’t agree with but, I do think it would be good to talk to someone who is willing and able to hear what's on my mind.


It is funny how people create opinions of me off the small part of my life I share with them, instead of getting to know the real me and then forming their opinion. Why is it that at first glance we think we have someone figured out, but our perception is actually clouded? Maybe we should all step back for a minute and just open our hearts and mind.


Boy, I need a vacation. Sometimes I close my eyes and I dream of a being somewhere exotic and beautiful and quite. No Pain, no yelling, no responsibilities, just pure bliss. Gosh I really need a vacation, but for now the one in my head will have to do.


I know that one day it will be my time, I know I am here for a reason, and I know I am loved. I also know that I just need to keep being patient and I have to continue to work hard on become a better me. This processes just sucks.


Wish me luck!!