Lets look at what Doubt means - To be undecided or skeptical about, tend to disbelieve; distrust, regard as unlikely. When I read these words I do not see myself connected to any of them, but yet people constantly doubt my honesty and integrity.
Since I have been hurt I have found that I have lost a lot of things that use to mean the world to me. I had to stop school because we ran out of funds, six classes from graduation, I can not utilize my degree that I do have, I can not perform my motherly duties as much or as good as I used to, and everyday just seems to be a struggle and yet I feel as if no one believes my pain is as real as it is.
I don't know why people don't act like they care, who would choose to not believe someone. Is it because people get caught up in their own lives and when you finally do remember it has been a week later. It is so easy to forget what someone might be going threw because we don't like to be upset all day. It is subconsciously done, we don't know sometimes we are even doing it. Or could it just be that I am crazy. Maybe I am really just not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe every ones right, maybe it is just in my head. Maybe I am a hypochondriact. I don't know, but I do know this; my children and my word is all I have now-a-days and I will be true to those two values until the day I die! These are two things they can not take from me.
Until next time
Friday, April 22, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Label Me
I wish that men came with labels. We label important things so that we can communicate with other people even if we are not in the same room.
Labels can have anything from instructions, to warnings, to barcodes, to information on them. So if a restaurant wants to warn you that there are hazardous materials in the area they would probably use a Safety Label. If I was to ship you something they would use a custom label that had a barcode on it, so they could track where it is going, and if I wanted to replace your cell phone cover you could go to the mall and buy one or you could create a graphic overlay.
So if it is so easy to label items we use everyday then why didn't we invent a label for a man. I wish when we are introduced to a new man, that on their forehead there is a big sign that says who they really are, so that you don't spend several years figureing it out and then its too late. My best friend's husband's label would read hard worker, wants kids, hate dogs, controlling, jealous, and may have another girlfriend. She and her husband of 15 years are now in the process of getting a divorce. Oh wait, what about this label; married with children, when I was 20 I met a guy that I went out with for a couple of months. I met his parnets, siblings, and friends only to find out he was married with two kids. How lovely.
Maybe one day label companies like Data Graphics will think it is a good idea as well, because that’s a label I would spend hundreds on.
So Let’s Label away!!
Labels can have anything from instructions, to warnings, to barcodes, to information on them. So if a restaurant wants to warn you that there are hazardous materials in the area they would probably use a Safety Label. If I was to ship you something they would use a custom label that had a barcode on it, so they could track where it is going, and if I wanted to replace your cell phone cover you could go to the mall and buy one or you could create a graphic overlay.
So if it is so easy to label items we use everyday then why didn't we invent a label for a man. I wish when we are introduced to a new man, that on their forehead there is a big sign that says who they really are, so that you don't spend several years figureing it out and then its too late. My best friend's husband's label would read hard worker, wants kids, hate dogs, controlling, jealous, and may have another girlfriend. She and her husband of 15 years are now in the process of getting a divorce. Oh wait, what about this label; married with children, when I was 20 I met a guy that I went out with for a couple of months. I met his parnets, siblings, and friends only to find out he was married with two kids. How lovely.
Maybe one day label companies like Data Graphics will think it is a good idea as well, because that’s a label I would spend hundreds on.
So Let’s Label away!!
A wonderful horrible day
I am writing really quickly before my handsome boy demands his noon feeding. I bought him a shirt that says, "No one sleeps till I Eat!" Which is sooooo true. He is truely a joy, though a bit fusser than I rememer my girls being, but that was also six years ago. I am wondering if the older you get the more patients you lose! If Anybody has an asnwer to that one please share?
So the newest update on this thing that haunts me called a Tarlov Cyst.
Opps one second I here my name being called, MAMA!
Okay I am back.
So I am at statue of limitation with workers comp. which mean thye send you back to the DD Designated Doctor and he does a finale evaluation and give you an impairment rating. Only my doctor decided to say that I all better and I can go back to work. No pay no medical. UNBELEIVABLE!!!!!!!! They have done absolutly nothing to resolve my issues and I am in much more pain than I have ever been. I hurt so bad and yet nobody believes me or even wants to help me.
They want me to go to work but I am barely surviving doing my motherly duties. I can't hold my son for too long, bathing him is a big challenge, and feeding are unique. We have to get creative sometimes when we are doing our daily acyivities; for intense right now I am typeing with one hand, Amaree is in the other, everyone say hi!!! lol. The biggest helper that we bought him is this thing called a Bumbo which is a chair that even small babies can sit in and it is wonderful (not a sales pitch I swear). He uses it alot but I am kind of torn becuase I want to hold my baby more than I do. Gosh I hate this disease!!!
So now I am going to start selling Avon and Tiny Tillia to supplement my income. I'll let you know how that turns out. www.avon.com/amaha www.tinytillia.com select Anne Maha as your rep.
I guess I have to remember that things could be worse off than they are and be thankful for what I have.
God Bless Us All.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Welcome Back!!!
I know I have been gone for quite some time but I have now had my beautiful little baby boy Amaree Katrial Johnson, born December 28, 2010. I has been a hard few months let me tell you.
At the end of the pregnancy, on top of pregnancy aches and pains, I had extra pain. My legs felt like someone was constantly squeezing them and pulling them . My hips felt like they were being ripped apart. I started contracting at 7 months which put my pain at an unbearable rate. I begged my doctor to let me deliver, but the damn holidays got in the way of my delivery. He finally approved me to go in 3 days after Christmas @ 6 am. When I got to the delivery area I learned that there is going to be a wait because their were so many deliveries. I ended up waiting in the waiting room for an extra five hours which had put my pain on overload.
They finally called me back @ 10:30 and I was relieved. I got an epidural right away because I was already at a four and my deliveries usually go fast by 2 pm I was ready and it was a pain i would never forget. I have had 3 other children besides this one and the epidural did nothing for the pain during the peak.
We are now at home and just trying to get him to sleep threw out the night. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in about a year. I am soooooooo tired. I think my God is a comedian and that I am his ongoing joke. But as I lay down next to my beautiful little boy and he looks at me and smiles it is all worth it.
I LOVE MY CHILDREN, THEY ARE MY WORLD!!!
At the end of the pregnancy, on top of pregnancy aches and pains, I had extra pain. My legs felt like someone was constantly squeezing them and pulling them . My hips felt like they were being ripped apart. I started contracting at 7 months which put my pain at an unbearable rate. I begged my doctor to let me deliver, but the damn holidays got in the way of my delivery. He finally approved me to go in 3 days after Christmas @ 6 am. When I got to the delivery area I learned that there is going to be a wait because their were so many deliveries. I ended up waiting in the waiting room for an extra five hours which had put my pain on overload.
They finally called me back @ 10:30 and I was relieved. I got an epidural right away because I was already at a four and my deliveries usually go fast by 2 pm I was ready and it was a pain i would never forget. I have had 3 other children besides this one and the epidural did nothing for the pain during the peak.
We are now at home and just trying to get him to sleep threw out the night. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in about a year. I am soooooooo tired. I think my God is a comedian and that I am his ongoing joke. But as I lay down next to my beautiful little boy and he looks at me and smiles it is all worth it.
I LOVE MY CHILDREN, THEY ARE MY WORLD!!!
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