Saturday, November 26, 2011
Gobble Gobble!
I have so many things to be thankful for. Even though times have been tough the Lord always creates a way to survive. Thank you Lord for my beautiful family, my wonderful kids, my thoughtful friends, and such a great husband. Everyday we grow and thrive as a family and we only get stronger with each passing day. So Lord Thank you for another wonderful Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Who chooses our Fate
Who determines our fate?
Is it God?
Why are some of us picked to live lavish lives and others are picked to be homeless, diseased, constantly struggling, or receive constant heartache?
I look at these people like the kardashians, ellen, or donald trump they seem to not want or need for anything. I wonder what it is like to be able to pay a bill without worry or buy a piece of clothing without feeling guilty you are taking something away from your family, because in the end you know you will take it bake anyway if you buy it. I wonder what it's like to be happy, although we don't know what goes on behind their closed doors I bet the conversation in their home is much different than mine.
The real hero's aren't the people you see on T.V. they are the ordinary every day people who are struggling to survive with whatever problems are issues in their lives that day and yet they still greet you with a smile, treat you as if you were family and give to you even though they know they can't afford to. The hero's are the people that against all odds are still here. We need to remember this when we start taking things for granted.
The key is to not change much in your life but to help others better theirs.
I wonder stometimes if only poor people say things like that or stay positive or that everything is going to be alright even though you know its not and if we have to do because we have no choose, its the only way we can get through things without truning to drugs or alcohol or death.
(Hey maybe thats why there are only liquor stores in poor neighborhoods. LOL)
Is it bad that sometimes I wish I was dealt a different life? Because I am so tired of fighting for the one I have but I guess it is what it is and for now I am going to keep on truckin with a smile upon my face.
So I leave telling you this, you can strip me of everything but you can't take my faith and love.
Is it God?
Why are some of us picked to live lavish lives and others are picked to be homeless, diseased, constantly struggling, or receive constant heartache?
I look at these people like the kardashians, ellen, or donald trump they seem to not want or need for anything. I wonder what it is like to be able to pay a bill without worry or buy a piece of clothing without feeling guilty you are taking something away from your family, because in the end you know you will take it bake anyway if you buy it. I wonder what it's like to be happy, although we don't know what goes on behind their closed doors I bet the conversation in their home is much different than mine.
The real hero's aren't the people you see on T.V. they are the ordinary every day people who are struggling to survive with whatever problems are issues in their lives that day and yet they still greet you with a smile, treat you as if you were family and give to you even though they know they can't afford to. The hero's are the people that against all odds are still here. We need to remember this when we start taking things for granted.
The key is to not change much in your life but to help others better theirs.
I wonder stometimes if only poor people say things like that or stay positive or that everything is going to be alright even though you know its not and if we have to do because we have no choose, its the only way we can get through things without truning to drugs or alcohol or death.
(Hey maybe thats why there are only liquor stores in poor neighborhoods. LOL)
Is it bad that sometimes I wish I was dealt a different life? Because I am so tired of fighting for the one I have but I guess it is what it is and for now I am going to keep on truckin with a smile upon my face.
So I leave telling you this, you can strip me of everything but you can't take my faith and love.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Against all odds I believe
I am constantly battling good and evil. I am trying soooo hard to be happy and I am constantly telling myself that no matter what happens there is a reason for it, try to L.I.G., and put it in the Lords hands. But I am walking on a thin rope, any wrong move and I will plummet to my death. (That’s what it feels like anyway)
My daughter turns nine on the 27th and I have noooooo money so I am going to get creative and have about 4-5 girls spend the night and we are going to through an old fashion slumber party, you know the kind of slumber party they use to through. Doing nails, hair, facials, some good old fashion girlie movies, popcorn, dancing, slumber bags, and some ghost stories, should be interesting. I found when it comes to kids, fun is fun, and as long as they get to spend time with you they tend to forget how much they didn't get.
I am truly blessed and I have to keep reminding myself of this on a daily basis. I know that I am truly loved even though it seems that I am not even thought about at all. I am my own support system, my own cheering section, and my own inspiration. For now, I'm okay, but tomorrow is a different day with new problems.
So, Lord for today thank you and for tomorrow I will be a better me.
My daughter turns nine on the 27th and I have noooooo money so I am going to get creative and have about 4-5 girls spend the night and we are going to through an old fashion slumber party, you know the kind of slumber party they use to through. Doing nails, hair, facials, some good old fashion girlie movies, popcorn, dancing, slumber bags, and some ghost stories, should be interesting. I found when it comes to kids, fun is fun, and as long as they get to spend time with you they tend to forget how much they didn't get.
I am truly blessed and I have to keep reminding myself of this on a daily basis. I know that I am truly loved even though it seems that I am not even thought about at all. I am my own support system, my own cheering section, and my own inspiration. For now, I'm okay, but tomorrow is a different day with new problems.
So, Lord for today thank you and for tomorrow I will be a better me.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Yee Haw!!
So I wanted to show yall a video of my little cowboy. This is what keeps me going to fight another day.
If you truely beleive everything will be okay it will be. Rememeber to surround yourself with positive attitudes and positive people.
If you truely beleive everything will be okay it will be. Rememeber to surround yourself with positive attitudes and positive people.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
L.I.G.
There is a lot of pain and hurt that I have been holding on to. Some pain is old and some pain is new. I am still trying to grasp the concept of this disease and the damage it has done to me and my family, but the pain and anger that I would really like to let go of is caused by my family. We use to be really close but everything changed when my father had his first heart attack. I was maybe 9 or 10 and he had so many little strokes and heart attacks that he ended up in the nursing home. Something happen to my family we just grew apart and I miss them so much. My mother - I love very much and it pains me to have told her to stop calling me today but there was and still is damage that she doesn't want to confront and because she refuses and ignores reality our relationship will always suffer. She recently did something that was unforgivable and she then pretends it didn’t even happen. It’s one thing to make a mistake and then realize that you have hurt someone and try to make it right, but when you really hurt someone and pretend you did nothing it really effects people in a different way.
So how do you stop someone from hurting you and disrupting your life especially when it’s your mother?
I asked my god mother what I should do and she said that I first have to figure out how to let go of the hurt and anger of the past not for her but for me to move forward. So, how do you do that when the person you are trying to heal from keeps calling pretending everything is fine and refuses to talk about anything.
I know she loves me in her odd way but it doesn’t excuse her from her actions and my job now is to protect and care for my children. I hope one day she can see that.
So for now I am going to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY.
So how do you stop someone from hurting you and disrupting your life especially when it’s your mother?
I asked my god mother what I should do and she said that I first have to figure out how to let go of the hurt and anger of the past not for her but for me to move forward. So, how do you do that when the person you are trying to heal from keeps calling pretending everything is fine and refuses to talk about anything.
I know she loves me in her odd way but it doesn’t excuse her from her actions and my job now is to protect and care for my children. I hope one day she can see that.
So for now I am going to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Define Refined
It is funny because the other day I was in a rush at the grocery store because I had to catch a ride and the baby needed milk. There was no one in the 10 items or less so I snuck my 15 items in, but the cashier made a big deal about it and instead of letting the ugly things she said role off my back I decided to give her a big piece of my mind. NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Why is it that when we are miserable we always try to bring people to our level?
I obviously still have a lot of growing to do!
I am getting better though because I just learned that a girl I was very close to once got drunk at a party and could say enough bad things about me. My first instinct was to confront her but I stepped back and thought about it. Does it really matter that much what she says. Besides, in a way I am flattered, it seems that her life is and always was consumed with what I was doing or saying.
Maybe we don't get the blessing we ask for because we are not yet ready for them!!!!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Change
My life has changed so dramatically from just a few years ago. Before you would have probably found me at the next biggest party chugging on some beer or seeing what trouble i could get into next. I moved out on my own when I was 16 and even before then, there wasn't much supervision or support in my life. So the path of destruction came very easily for me. But recently I have taken a step back and realized how far I have come.
Look at me now and you will see a person they may or may not do her hair that day because she is steady making sure everyone around her has everything they need to be productive that day. Crap, I rarely even leave my house. Some might say this is a terrible thing especially for new parents who think they will be able to be great parents and still party every night. Ha I say! I have little time and even less money.
This is not a terrible thing, if anyone out there has a parent who has always been there for them and who has helped them become who there are, then you owe them big. Your parents were once teenagers and kids, rent and food was the last thing on their mind, but one day something happens. When we are kids we really don't have anything to lose but when you start your family you could potentially lose everything and that fear makes you grow up.
I'm okay with growing responsible (I will never be old).
Look at me now and you will see a person they may or may not do her hair that day because she is steady making sure everyone around her has everything they need to be productive that day. Crap, I rarely even leave my house. Some might say this is a terrible thing especially for new parents who think they will be able to be great parents and still party every night. Ha I say! I have little time and even less money.
This is not a terrible thing, if anyone out there has a parent who has always been there for them and who has helped them become who there are, then you owe them big. Your parents were once teenagers and kids, rent and food was the last thing on their mind, but one day something happens. When we are kids we really don't have anything to lose but when you start your family you could potentially lose everything and that fear makes you grow up.
I'm okay with growing responsible (I will never be old).
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Drowning
What do I feel...........?
I feel hurt, angry, sad, betrayed, alone, and yet even happy at times. Life is very complicated and hard for me and my children.
What do I want..........?
Ijust want to be happy, I want thing to run smoothly, I really, truly, want to believe, "everything is going to be okay." Eeverything is riding on me doing the right thing, making the right moves at the right time, and I am sooooo afraid of screwing up. There is no room for error, at all, anymore.
The weight of my world rest on my shoulders!!!!!
I feel hurt, angry, sad, betrayed, alone, and yet even happy at times. Life is very complicated and hard for me and my children.
What do I want..........?
Ijust want to be happy, I want thing to run smoothly, I really, truly, want to believe, "everything is going to be okay." Eeverything is riding on me doing the right thing, making the right moves at the right time, and I am sooooo afraid of screwing up. There is no room for error, at all, anymore.
The weight of my world rest on my shoulders!!!!!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Single Parenthood
Thanks for the guest post by Jonathan Curtis
Being a single father has been a difficult yet rewarding job. However, since my oldest daughter got her licenses life has gotten a little bit easier. Now instead of leaving work during the mid-afternoon to pick the kids of from school I can just get my daughter to do it for me. The great part is she doesn’t even look a running errand’s as a chore because she is still in awe of being behind the wheel. A lot of times I will ask to pick up something for dinner so we can just go ahead as soon as I get home, which is great for everybody. Although, having a sixteen-year-old daughter has it’s advantages I still worry about the kids being at home by themselves, but since I went and checked out HTTP://WWW.SECURITYCHOICE.COM Now I can get a lot more work done because my minds a little more at ease. My boss even commented on how much more productive I’ve been in the past couple of months and that’s rare compliment around my office.
Being a single father has been a difficult yet rewarding job. However, since my oldest daughter got her licenses life has gotten a little bit easier. Now instead of leaving work during the mid-afternoon to pick the kids of from school I can just get my daughter to do it for me. The great part is she doesn’t even look a running errand’s as a chore because she is still in awe of being behind the wheel. A lot of times I will ask to pick up something for dinner so we can just go ahead as soon as I get home, which is great for everybody. Although, having a sixteen-year-old daughter has it’s advantages I still worry about the kids being at home by themselves, but since I went and checked out HTTP://WWW.SECURITYCHOICE.COM Now I can get a lot more work done because my minds a little more at ease. My boss even commented on how much more productive I’ve been in the past couple of months and that’s rare compliment around my office.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Getting ready for our first day of school
Guest post written by Melanie Stupp
Well obviously, my husband and I have already been to school and are done with it. But it's going to be our daughter's first day of school this year and I think that she's going to absolutely love it. She doesn't really seem to be nervous at all. I guess that we're the ones that are so nervous. But I'm sure that she's going to do absolutely fine and make lots of friends though.
I guess that there really isn't anything that we need to worry about when it comes to her going to school. She's very confident for a 5 year old, but very well behaved. Regardless, I looked up some ideas about how we could help her transition into being a student. While I was trying to find some of that stuff, I ran across the site http://www.clearwirelessinternet.com. After I looked through it a little bit, I decided to change over my home internet service to one of the packages that I saw on there, so I did.
I think that the first day of school is going to be a little tough on the two of us, but we're going to have to make it through it for her sake.
Well obviously, my husband and I have already been to school and are done with it. But it's going to be our daughter's first day of school this year and I think that she's going to absolutely love it. She doesn't really seem to be nervous at all. I guess that we're the ones that are so nervous. But I'm sure that she's going to do absolutely fine and make lots of friends though.
I guess that there really isn't anything that we need to worry about when it comes to her going to school. She's very confident for a 5 year old, but very well behaved. Regardless, I looked up some ideas about how we could help her transition into being a student. While I was trying to find some of that stuff, I ran across the site http://www.clearwirelessinternet.com. After I looked through it a little bit, I decided to change over my home internet service to one of the packages that I saw on there, so I did.
I think that the first day of school is going to be a little tough on the two of us, but we're going to have to make it through it for her sake.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Bed Time!
So I have been blessed to receive the newsiest edition to my library of body pain. For three days now I have been in bed with he most excruciating pain in my hips only to wake up with a terrific pain in my elbow. It is as if my joint are getting stuck. I can not straighting it nor can i put very much pressure on it. And it tends to get worse with more activity. The sharp pain that the elbow is giving off extends to my upper finger tips all the way to my shoulder blade.
Then today of all thing my heel started acting up again. I am on a roll.
My kids being the funny creatures that they are borrowed grandmas wheelchair to push me around since they say I am turning into an old lady. (joking always helps us get through these very tough times) But what they really don't know is I will really use that chair and make them push me to their school for registration day. Ha ha who's laughing now!
I don't how I make it every month or every day for that matter but I am doing it, one day at a time I guess.
So until tomorrow!
*Say hello*
Some silly pictures for your enjoyment!!
Then today of all thing my heel started acting up again. I am on a roll.
My kids being the funny creatures that they are borrowed grandmas wheelchair to push me around since they say I am turning into an old lady. (joking always helps us get through these very tough times) But what they really don't know is I will really use that chair and make them push me to their school for registration day. Ha ha who's laughing now!
I don't how I make it every month or every day for that matter but I am doing it, one day at a time I guess.
So until tomorrow!
*Say hello*
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Lies Lies Lies
Lies are very evil. Weather it is to friends, family or lovers, it can turn out horrible for everyone. Why would we want to even stay in a relationship where there's even the smallest amount of doubt about your loved one? Is there a certain reason that is acceptable to stay close to those who not being very truthful. or how about the dad that works so hard but yet doesn't get appreciated for the long hours he pulls to get his daughter prom dress but yet is brutally being punished for an affair that never happened.
or how about the daughter who loves her mother even though she lies profusely and money seems to be her god.
We can not just ignore the millions of relationships that are broken up everyday because of a lie! Could this be the reason we feel jealousy because we have all been hurt at some time or another and we always assume the worst in people.
Ever heard of innocent until proven guilty it would apply here!
STOP WORRYING WHAT OTHERS HAVE, BE GRATEFUL FOR THE BLESSING THAT LIE INFRONT OF YOU AND IF YOUR PARTNER IS CHEATING THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT, TRY BEING PATIENT AND REMEMBER EVERY EXPERIENCE WEATHER GOOD OR BAD IS THERE TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING.
Honesty is a beautiful thing, shouldn't we all try it more, weather it hurts feeling or not wouldn't you rather be honest.
Ripping off the band aid quickly allows more time for healing.Thursday, June 30, 2011
Friends and Family
Friends are Relatives you choose to make your family!
Let me show you some of my framily (friend +Family)
My Babies
![]()
Handsome ![]()
Beautiful
![]()
Rock ON!!
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Fun friends![]()
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All together now
Let me show you some of my framily (friend +Family)
My Babies
Handsome
Beautiful
Rock ON!!Party Friends![]()
Fun friends
*Sleepy Men*
All together nowMonday, June 27, 2011
Charlie bit me!!!
A Little Light hearted today!I can not wait to get my camera ready! monkey wants to crawl soooooo bad and I am so looking forward to stuff like this.
CHARLIEEEE
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Something to think about
My family has never been the closest family, and it seems that everyone in it is just out for themselves. This saddens me greatly, because to me my family is all I have. I could never imagine treating my children as my mom sometimes treats me and I could never imagine my children treating each other as my sisters treat each other.
So how does a family stay close?
This is something I have been working on since I had my first son. Every family will go through hard times it is inevitable, but how we chose to handle those hard time is what makes or breaks us as a family. I have my faults I know I do, I am the first one to admit I am not perfect. But no person that has family should have to feel the way I have felt.
So with my hurt comes my dedication to keep my family, the family that I have created, close. I struggle to make sure that we stay open to every conversation, communicates no matter what, and every feeling is okay to express, no one person is better than the next, and you are free to feel how you want.
We should be free to be who we need to be.
BUT
Recognize when you have hurt someone and make it right.
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All smiles no frowns
So how does a family stay close?
This is something I have been working on since I had my first son. Every family will go through hard times it is inevitable, but how we chose to handle those hard time is what makes or breaks us as a family. I have my faults I know I do, I am the first one to admit I am not perfect. But no person that has family should have to feel the way I have felt.
So with my hurt comes my dedication to keep my family, the family that I have created, close. I struggle to make sure that we stay open to every conversation, communicates no matter what, and every feeling is okay to express, no one person is better than the next, and you are free to feel how you want.
We should be free to be who we need to be.
BUT
Recognize when you have hurt someone and make it right.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Why I love the MTV music awards
Why I Love the MTV Music Awards
This guest post from Walter Horn
My favorite awards show is the MTV Music Awards. I look forward to this ceremony every year. I think it is the liveliest of the awards show on television. I wish that MTV had it during the January or February season, so we do not have to wait until August or September. After all, the award shows play earlier in the year.
I enjoy seeing what the bands and artists are going to wear. It is not your typical formal affair. These artists go all out for the MTV Music Awards. It is truly entertaining to see what they are going to wear on stage or on the red carpet.
The hosts change every year for the MTV Music Awards. Unfortunately, I did not like Russell Brand or Chelsea Handler as hosts. I am not sure who I would like to host this year's MTV Music Awards. Possibly Jimmy Fallon since he is funny. It would be great to see Carson Daly back on MTV even though he is not funny.
It will be interesting to see what will go down on my favorite awards show this year. Will Britney Spears perform? What will Lady Gaga wear? Will Kesha win awards? I will definitely have to tune in to see my favorite performers and bands. I will make sure to watch my favorite awards show on expertsatellite.com.
This guest post from Walter Horn
My favorite awards show is the MTV Music Awards. I look forward to this ceremony every year. I think it is the liveliest of the awards show on television. I wish that MTV had it during the January or February season, so we do not have to wait until August or September. After all, the award shows play earlier in the year.
I enjoy seeing what the bands and artists are going to wear. It is not your typical formal affair. These artists go all out for the MTV Music Awards. It is truly entertaining to see what they are going to wear on stage or on the red carpet.
The hosts change every year for the MTV Music Awards. Unfortunately, I did not like Russell Brand or Chelsea Handler as hosts. I am not sure who I would like to host this year's MTV Music Awards. Possibly Jimmy Fallon since he is funny. It would be great to see Carson Daly back on MTV even though he is not funny.
It will be interesting to see what will go down on my favorite awards show this year. Will Britney Spears perform? What will Lady Gaga wear? Will Kesha win awards? I will definitely have to tune in to see my favorite performers and bands. I will make sure to watch my favorite awards show on expertsatellite.com.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Judgement
I am a nice person and I choose which battles I want to fight but because I choose not to fight all the time people take that as a weakness and think they can walk all over me, but yet when I stand up for myself, I am every name in the book except my own. I choose to be a good mother and put my kids first even if that means great sacrifice. It does not make me any less of a person in fact try going through what I go through and I bet most people couldn't last one day. I am me and don't try to change that, if you don't like what you see you can close your eyes.
Except me don't try to Change me!
Judgement is a two sided sword !
Except me don't try to Change me!
Judgement is a two sided sword !
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Push
I was once told by my doctor to suck it up, (in reference to my pain and disease) that there are several people he knows that work and still have pain from this disease. Which is funny because he doesn't actually have any other Tarlov Cyst patients he was just doing what most doctors do. If they don't know something they don't want to admit it they just make things up so they don't lose credibility. Interesting huh!
My doctor isn't the only one who has told me to suck it up and with those words it is like people don't believe you are in as much pain as you are. I have actually tried to stop saying at all when I am in pain because people (even your loved ones) get tired of hearing all the complaints. Even though they might seem concerned you can see it in their expression, and even in their eyes, what they really mean. Even people like my mother who is in pain every day, who you would think would understand, dismisses my claims of pain because she may not want to be bothered with it. For instance, cleaning my house in a humongous chore everyday with three kids. It doesn't matter how many times I do the dishes or do batches of laundry there is always something dirty. So I have stopped worring about what people think of my house and just started taking one day at a time and doing what I can because no matter how much they say they will help, they get carried away with their own lives and one day turns into one week than one month and before you know it you haven't really heard from this person who said they would help you. The reason I am telling you this is because my mom was on top of her game when we were kids. She was the cookie cutter of moms, but she wore herself out pretty early and we ended up taking care of our self for a good portion of our pre-odolescent ages. We had gotten into an altercation one afternoon and she was low blowing me and said there are always dirty dishes in your sink and dirty clothes to be washed you are not organizing your time correctly. I told her that I was in pain a lot and sometimes I have to just push myself to get out of bed and she said I had to do it when I had you kids, I would do laundry at 4 am just to stay on top of it. Totally disregarding any of my statement about my pain. So here is what I say to that, First of all I have not been given the same circumstance as you were when we were kids and I would rather pace myself and do thing to please me, than to burn out early and leave my kids to learn the hard way and to do thing that pleases my husband and than be bitter and selfish afterwards.
Which brings me to why I write this example. I push myself every day more than should because I love my children and I want the best for them, but I m not going to burn myself out where I am unable to be there for them during the most critical ages (teenage years). In fact I will be their always even when they are adults. When you decide to have kids they are always your kids you don't get choose when to stop thinking of them first. No matter what they do they deserve and are worth being loved.
Maybe we should stop pushing people to be what we want them to be and start letting them be who they are. Just because they do things differently doesn't mean it wrong, it just mean its different.
Until next time.
My doctor isn't the only one who has told me to suck it up and with those words it is like people don't believe you are in as much pain as you are. I have actually tried to stop saying at all when I am in pain because people (even your loved ones) get tired of hearing all the complaints. Even though they might seem concerned you can see it in their expression, and even in their eyes, what they really mean. Even people like my mother who is in pain every day, who you would think would understand, dismisses my claims of pain because she may not want to be bothered with it. For instance, cleaning my house in a humongous chore everyday with three kids. It doesn't matter how many times I do the dishes or do batches of laundry there is always something dirty. So I have stopped worring about what people think of my house and just started taking one day at a time and doing what I can because no matter how much they say they will help, they get carried away with their own lives and one day turns into one week than one month and before you know it you haven't really heard from this person who said they would help you. The reason I am telling you this is because my mom was on top of her game when we were kids. She was the cookie cutter of moms, but she wore herself out pretty early and we ended up taking care of our self for a good portion of our pre-odolescent ages. We had gotten into an altercation one afternoon and she was low blowing me and said there are always dirty dishes in your sink and dirty clothes to be washed you are not organizing your time correctly. I told her that I was in pain a lot and sometimes I have to just push myself to get out of bed and she said I had to do it when I had you kids, I would do laundry at 4 am just to stay on top of it. Totally disregarding any of my statement about my pain. So here is what I say to that, First of all I have not been given the same circumstance as you were when we were kids and I would rather pace myself and do thing to please me, than to burn out early and leave my kids to learn the hard way and to do thing that pleases my husband and than be bitter and selfish afterwards.
Which brings me to why I write this example. I push myself every day more than should because I love my children and I want the best for them, but I m not going to burn myself out where I am unable to be there for them during the most critical ages (teenage years). In fact I will be their always even when they are adults. When you decide to have kids they are always your kids you don't get choose when to stop thinking of them first. No matter what they do they deserve and are worth being loved.
Maybe we should stop pushing people to be what we want them to be and start letting them be who they are. Just because they do things differently doesn't mean it wrong, it just mean its different.
Until next time.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
On the Move
My children's father is a good man, a hard worker, and a great dad. He is not free from fault but far from
a bad man. I don't know if any of you know but he is also a wonderful chef. He actually invented these nachos that were named after him that sell currently at the Marriott in Texas. Anyway the reason for this story is last night he called me and said they gave a promotion that he was up for, to another individual that may or may not be the best person to be promoted.
The point is, sam has worked so hard to impress his bosses by always looking sharp (dry cleaning his uniform), running the kitchen appropriately, working extra shifts when needed, creating most of the breakfast menu, and he is constantly being commended on a job well done, but yet why is he always the one over looked for the promotions. Basically they are saying do the work but you get no reward, NOT FAIR!! I feel like a 5 year old child.
So now we may have to move to Phoenix not something I am really looking forward too. What does a person do? Maybe you can tell me how the employee who doesn't deserve a promotion get it even without trying and the person who put their everything gets past up without regret?
Until 2morrow.
a bad man. I don't know if any of you know but he is also a wonderful chef. He actually invented these nachos that were named after him that sell currently at the Marriott in Texas. Anyway the reason for this story is last night he called me and said they gave a promotion that he was up for, to another individual that may or may not be the best person to be promoted.
The point is, sam has worked so hard to impress his bosses by always looking sharp (dry cleaning his uniform), running the kitchen appropriately, working extra shifts when needed, creating most of the breakfast menu, and he is constantly being commended on a job well done, but yet why is he always the one over looked for the promotions. Basically they are saying do the work but you get no reward, NOT FAIR!! I feel like a 5 year old child.
So now we may have to move to Phoenix not something I am really looking forward too. What does a person do? Maybe you can tell me how the employee who doesn't deserve a promotion get it even without trying and the person who put their everything gets past up without regret?
Until 2morrow.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Finding Me In All This Craziness!!
So I have been doing a lot of soul search lately and it is amazing how paying a little more attention to yourself can improve your life. My life is crazy from 6 in the am to about 9 at night but I am starting to find a sweet balance that I kind of like.
I talked to a new doctor (which I should have done a long time ago) and he actually takes the time to listen. I don't think this doctor even realizes how much he can impact my life by just listening and considering my opinions, after all it is my body and sometimes explain to others what you feel can be a little difficult. Amen!
So since I have the doctor thing moving in a more positive path, I can now focus on my pain and home life. Speaking of home life, I hear it calling right now.
Okay I just had to put my handsome boy down. Isn't he so beautiful? I never thought boys would be so much harder than they are. Very different than the girls, I'd have to admit but, worth it all the same.
So with all this soul searching comes church and with church comes the willingness to make thing better for some reason.
My girls love the interaction with the other families and it is in such a positive way. Now, I just need to find a church that fits my family’s life style better (we currently go to my mom’s church). Although this one is nice it is a bit of a snooze feast (I am not trying to be disrespectful in any way Lord don't strike me down).
The baby seems to be fitting better in his skin because I have seen more smiles than frown within these last few weeks. It always is easier when you have a happy baby.
So with church and my kids and the illness moving forward I have taken more time to find out what I want to do with my life, and how I can give it more meaning. I thought about starting a kids choir or starting a charity and support group for people with Tarlov Cyst Disease or even going back to school to finish my degree, but all of these take money which I have none of. So although they may be great thoughts in theory, the reality is a disabled person with three small kids is still struggling.
BUT I HAVE FAITH TODAY!!!!
Here is where I need your help, how do I make some of these thoughts a reality? any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!!
I talked to a new doctor (which I should have done a long time ago) and he actually takes the time to listen. I don't think this doctor even realizes how much he can impact my life by just listening and considering my opinions, after all it is my body and sometimes explain to others what you feel can be a little difficult. Amen!
So since I have the doctor thing moving in a more positive path, I can now focus on my pain and home life. Speaking of home life, I hear it calling right now.
Okay I just had to put my handsome boy down. Isn't he so beautiful? I never thought boys would be so much harder than they are. Very different than the girls, I'd have to admit but, worth it all the same.
So with all this soul searching comes church and with church comes the willingness to make thing better for some reason.
The baby seems to be fitting better in his skin because I have seen more smiles than frown within these last few weeks. It always is easier when you have a happy baby.
So with church and my kids and the illness moving forward I have taken more time to find out what I want to do with my life, and how I can give it more meaning. I thought about starting a kids choir or starting a charity and support group for people with Tarlov Cyst Disease or even going back to school to finish my degree, but all of these take money which I have none of. So although they may be great thoughts in theory, the reality is a disabled person with three small kids is still struggling.
BUT I HAVE FAITH TODAY!!!!
Here is where I need your help, how do I make some of these thoughts a reality? any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Doubt
Lets look at what Doubt means - To be undecided or skeptical about, tend to disbelieve; distrust, regard as unlikely. When I read these words I do not see myself connected to any of them, but yet people constantly doubt my honesty and integrity.
Since I have been hurt I have found that I have lost a lot of things that use to mean the world to me. I had to stop school because we ran out of funds, six classes from graduation, I can not utilize my degree that I do have, I can not perform my motherly duties as much or as good as I used to, and everyday just seems to be a struggle and yet I feel as if no one believes my pain is as real as it is.
I don't know why people don't act like they care, who would choose to not believe someone. Is it because people get caught up in their own lives and when you finally do remember it has been a week later. It is so easy to forget what someone might be going threw because we don't like to be upset all day. It is subconsciously done, we don't know sometimes we are even doing it. Or could it just be that I am crazy. Maybe I am really just not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe every ones right, maybe it is just in my head. Maybe I am a hypochondriact. I don't know, but I do know this; my children and my word is all I have now-a-days and I will be true to those two values until the day I die! These are two things they can not take from me.
Until next time
Since I have been hurt I have found that I have lost a lot of things that use to mean the world to me. I had to stop school because we ran out of funds, six classes from graduation, I can not utilize my degree that I do have, I can not perform my motherly duties as much or as good as I used to, and everyday just seems to be a struggle and yet I feel as if no one believes my pain is as real as it is.
I don't know why people don't act like they care, who would choose to not believe someone. Is it because people get caught up in their own lives and when you finally do remember it has been a week later. It is so easy to forget what someone might be going threw because we don't like to be upset all day. It is subconsciously done, we don't know sometimes we are even doing it. Or could it just be that I am crazy. Maybe I am really just not as strong as I thought I was. Maybe every ones right, maybe it is just in my head. Maybe I am a hypochondriact. I don't know, but I do know this; my children and my word is all I have now-a-days and I will be true to those two values until the day I die! These are two things they can not take from me.
Until next time
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Label Me
I wish that men came with labels. We label important things so that we can communicate with other people even if we are not in the same room.
Labels can have anything from instructions, to warnings, to barcodes, to information on them. So if a restaurant wants to warn you that there are hazardous materials in the area they would probably use a Safety Label. If I was to ship you something they would use a custom label that had a barcode on it, so they could track where it is going, and if I wanted to replace your cell phone cover you could go to the mall and buy one or you could create a graphic overlay.
So if it is so easy to label items we use everyday then why didn't we invent a label for a man. I wish when we are introduced to a new man, that on their forehead there is a big sign that says who they really are, so that you don't spend several years figureing it out and then its too late. My best friend's husband's label would read hard worker, wants kids, hate dogs, controlling, jealous, and may have another girlfriend. She and her husband of 15 years are now in the process of getting a divorce. Oh wait, what about this label; married with children, when I was 20 I met a guy that I went out with for a couple of months. I met his parnets, siblings, and friends only to find out he was married with two kids. How lovely.
Maybe one day label companies like Data Graphics will think it is a good idea as well, because that’s a label I would spend hundreds on.
So Let’s Label away!!
Labels can have anything from instructions, to warnings, to barcodes, to information on them. So if a restaurant wants to warn you that there are hazardous materials in the area they would probably use a Safety Label. If I was to ship you something they would use a custom label that had a barcode on it, so they could track where it is going, and if I wanted to replace your cell phone cover you could go to the mall and buy one or you could create a graphic overlay.
So if it is so easy to label items we use everyday then why didn't we invent a label for a man. I wish when we are introduced to a new man, that on their forehead there is a big sign that says who they really are, so that you don't spend several years figureing it out and then its too late. My best friend's husband's label would read hard worker, wants kids, hate dogs, controlling, jealous, and may have another girlfriend. She and her husband of 15 years are now in the process of getting a divorce. Oh wait, what about this label; married with children, when I was 20 I met a guy that I went out with for a couple of months. I met his parnets, siblings, and friends only to find out he was married with two kids. How lovely.
Maybe one day label companies like Data Graphics will think it is a good idea as well, because that’s a label I would spend hundreds on.
So Let’s Label away!!
A wonderful horrible day
I am writing really quickly before my handsome boy demands his noon feeding. I bought him a shirt that says, "No one sleeps till I Eat!" Which is sooooo true. He is truely a joy, though a bit fusser than I rememer my girls being, but that was also six years ago. I am wondering if the older you get the more patients you lose! If Anybody has an asnwer to that one please share?
So the newest update on this thing that haunts me called a Tarlov Cyst.
Opps one second I here my name being called, MAMA!
Okay I am back.
So I am at statue of limitation with workers comp. which mean thye send you back to the DD Designated Doctor and he does a finale evaluation and give you an impairment rating. Only my doctor decided to say that I all better and I can go back to work. No pay no medical. UNBELEIVABLE!!!!!!!! They have done absolutly nothing to resolve my issues and I am in much more pain than I have ever been. I hurt so bad and yet nobody believes me or even wants to help me.
They want me to go to work but I am barely surviving doing my motherly duties. I can't hold my son for too long, bathing him is a big challenge, and feeding are unique. We have to get creative sometimes when we are doing our daily acyivities; for intense right now I am typeing with one hand, Amaree is in the other, everyone say hi!!! lol. The biggest helper that we bought him is this thing called a Bumbo which is a chair that even small babies can sit in and it is wonderful (not a sales pitch I swear). He uses it alot but I am kind of torn becuase I want to hold my baby more than I do. Gosh I hate this disease!!!
So now I am going to start selling Avon and Tiny Tillia to supplement my income. I'll let you know how that turns out. www.avon.com/amaha www.tinytillia.com select Anne Maha as your rep.
I guess I have to remember that things could be worse off than they are and be thankful for what I have.
God Bless Us All.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Welcome Back!!!
I know I have been gone for quite some time but I have now had my beautiful little baby boy Amaree Katrial Johnson, born December 28, 2010. I has been a hard few months let me tell you.
At the end of the pregnancy, on top of pregnancy aches and pains, I had extra pain. My legs felt like someone was constantly squeezing them and pulling them . My hips felt like they were being ripped apart. I started contracting at 7 months which put my pain at an unbearable rate. I begged my doctor to let me deliver, but the damn holidays got in the way of my delivery. He finally approved me to go in 3 days after Christmas @ 6 am. When I got to the delivery area I learned that there is going to be a wait because their were so many deliveries. I ended up waiting in the waiting room for an extra five hours which had put my pain on overload.
They finally called me back @ 10:30 and I was relieved. I got an epidural right away because I was already at a four and my deliveries usually go fast by 2 pm I was ready and it was a pain i would never forget. I have had 3 other children besides this one and the epidural did nothing for the pain during the peak.
We are now at home and just trying to get him to sleep threw out the night. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in about a year. I am soooooooo tired. I think my God is a comedian and that I am his ongoing joke. But as I lay down next to my beautiful little boy and he looks at me and smiles it is all worth it.
I LOVE MY CHILDREN, THEY ARE MY WORLD!!!
At the end of the pregnancy, on top of pregnancy aches and pains, I had extra pain. My legs felt like someone was constantly squeezing them and pulling them . My hips felt like they were being ripped apart. I started contracting at 7 months which put my pain at an unbearable rate. I begged my doctor to let me deliver, but the damn holidays got in the way of my delivery. He finally approved me to go in 3 days after Christmas @ 6 am. When I got to the delivery area I learned that there is going to be a wait because their were so many deliveries. I ended up waiting in the waiting room for an extra five hours which had put my pain on overload.
They finally called me back @ 10:30 and I was relieved. I got an epidural right away because I was already at a four and my deliveries usually go fast by 2 pm I was ready and it was a pain i would never forget. I have had 3 other children besides this one and the epidural did nothing for the pain during the peak.
We are now at home and just trying to get him to sleep threw out the night. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours in about a year. I am soooooooo tired. I think my God is a comedian and that I am his ongoing joke. But as I lay down next to my beautiful little boy and he looks at me and smiles it is all worth it.
I LOVE MY CHILDREN, THEY ARE MY WORLD!!!
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